Acceptance

 

Pushing back on the events we want to avoid can be exhausting. Of course, it is very difficult not to resist pain in any form. I would not even recommend that. If you hold your hand over a candle, it will begin to hurt and withdrawing your hand is a good idea. As evident in The Prayer of Serenity, we are to seek guidance when things need changing and it sometimes takes courage. I remember when I moved out of my own home many years ago. It was not something I took lightly and I really did not even want to do it. I knew that my actions would disrupt my life going forward. But I knew that change was necessary; accepting the situation I was in was not an option.

So how do we know when to accept things and when to push back? For me, it has helped to imagine every choice as a fork in my life’s highway. I will always be moving, so I have to choose a path. As choices present themselves, we have the option to choose. We will all make mistakes and we can usually correct them in time. But there will be nonnegotiable situations along the way. Jesus asked, “Can you make yourself taller by worrying about your height?”

That was a good example of a nonnegotiable situation. There will be plenty of those situations too. some of them will even be more difficult to accept. A terminal illness is something most people would change if they could. However, we are all quite ill with aging and there is no cure. I have accepted that diagnosis with no complaint. Of course, I want to hang on to this life-story. I don’t know if I will ever feel as though I have reached a great ending, yet I accept what is.

Stephen Hawking was such an inspiration; his physical condition deteriorated for decades, but he did not complain. He continued to strengthen his mind and gave us brilliance as a result. Instead of focusing on his body’s condition, he said he was grateful to have lived.

I feel embarrassed about some of the minor inconveniences I have complained about.

Why is it so important for us to accept what we cannot change? The short answer: We will have more time and energy to change the things we can change. Had Hawking turned his focus to experimental treatments for his condition, we never would have known what his brilliant mind was capable of. It is important for each of us to find our strengths and to focus on them.

I have some physical limitations as a result of surgery; but that surgery likely prolonged my life-story. The limitations were a challenge, but there was never a choice.

Discomfort is not easily accepted and I don’t believe it is helpful to accept it if we can change it. If I get a headache, I take medicine to alleviate it.

The whole moral of this story is that we should accept what we cannot change; and we should change what we can, whenever change seems beneficial.

I’ve found that eliminating the news has been helpful. I realized that the most interesting stories always involved dreadful situations I could scarcely affect. The news of such situations would become equations for my mind to solve and I found that most of the problems could not be solved by me. I can still occupy my mind with as many problems as I can handle, without taking on the assignments I cannot. Instead of focusing on a war being fought far away, I can bring peace to a situation nearby.

This is what we can do. This has helped me. I am more joyful.

I am reminded of a time when I was trying to break into the music scene. It only takes a tiny crack to break in, but it takes an awful lot of hard work to make a tiny opening in the entertainment industry. I was giving it my best efforts and I was devoting an awful lot of time to my music. Meanwhile, I was going to a local church where I met another guy who was trying to do what I was doing. He’d asked one of my acquaintances for help. It seemed like overnight, but there he was on television. He was getting awards and he was on stage and there were those lights I had longed to bathe in. During that same period, I was playing my music at an assisted-living-facility. Fifteen elderly residents would gather in the small, common area and I would do my best to entertain them. The guy from church was playing to crowds in sold-out, large arenas. One evening, while packing up my equipment after a night of entertainment at the nursing home, I was particularly depressed and I mentioned this to a friend. “Here I am,” I said, “Playing for old folks who can barely stay awake for my set; and there he is, playing at an award show, with some of the biggest names in entertainment.”

“So?” Replied my friend, “If you were there for those awards, playing with him on stage, who would have played for these sweet, elderly people tonight?”

That answer completely satisfied me. She was right. It was as if I’d been assigned to play for those folks and I’d given them a decent show. I accepted my role and did it with pride from then on.

There are major wars being fought far away. I’m not a soldier and I’m too old to fight anyway. This doesn’t mean I have not been assigned to participate in some sort of situation nearby.

I try to accept more. This has yielded peace for me and I believe it has brought about more change than I have experienced by kicking against the pricks.

My dad told me he was doing pretty good just hours before he died. Cancer had taken his health and strength, but he said he was pretty good. Was he lying to me or was he focusing on an area where he could honestly say he was pretty good? I think it was the latter.

Acceptance is not weakness; it’s a sword of character, wielded by unsung heroes.