Private I

I have spent much of my time researching various, private belief systems. In fact, belief is always a private state. While the color red may be agreed upon collectively, there is no way for anyone to know if their private experience of red is like that of anyone else. This is a fairly easy example to prove: I love red cars and there are plenty of people who do not. Because of my passion for red paint on steel, I have a red truck in the garage. Every day, I see trucks just like mine, but painted other colors. In most cases, this means that those trucks were likely purchased by people who liked another color better. Furthermore, I cannot really explain my relationship with red. I can, however, assure you that I have always said that red was my favorite color. And this is where it gets tricky. I have no idea where my attraction to red is located. The evidence of this truth can only be found in my assertion of it. There is no empirical evidence that I prefer red over other colors. So here, I will circle back to belief at last. It is only when I observe red or think of red that I can somehow be convinced that I have more of an affinity for red, but I cannot tell you why I prefer red and I cannot expect you to prefer red because I do.

Beliefs are very similar to other private experiences. Like a favorite color, one can maintain a belief for a very long time; perhaps throughout their lifetime. And like red, the conveyance of a private experience cannot cause the same belief to arise in another. I can say that oxygen is necessary and it is not an opinion; not only would we agree, but there is plenty of evidence to support the necessity of oxygen for animal life. I could turn right around and say that there is a specific God who is also necessary and that belief is always private. It cannot be tested because what one means by God is not universal or collectively agreed upon.

For the above reasons, terms like “Nature” are commonly more agreed upon than terms like “God”. As I apply these terms privately, I consider them interchangeable. It is still a very private matter, but I can almost imagine God saying, “You can call me Nature, Love, Life, The Cosmos or The Uncaused.”

Of course I really don’t stop there. I tend to use an extremely broad brush when I am trying to paint God. For myself, the term “Love” works best; but not in the ordinary, everyday way. I usually compare it to a mother’s love. Of course, this is still a private belief; only someone who knows how a loving mother loves could possibly agree on this term. I would really like to convey what I believe, but words are like bankruptcy when I try to purchase the meaning of God. It is not easy to have a conversation about God without making it religious.

So I will try to go a different way around. Instead of God, who is possibly misunderstood by religions, or Love, who is misunderstood by emotions, I will just use the term “All” for a moment. Of course, this brings us closer to New Age than to any ancient concept. All is what I am aware of. Of course, my use of the term “I” is universal in this case; I am not referring to myself, but to the “I” anyone would refer to when speaking of The Observer.

We are no longer on the subject of private belief here; whoever “I” is would agree that there is more than a central self, independent of all else. This is not unlike the agreement that oxygen is necessary; it is hard to prove otherwise. So let’s test this and see if we agree:

I believe there is more than me.

If you could say the same thing, this is exactly what some would refer to as awareness. If this one sentence can be universally agreed upon, then there is enough agreement between the “I’s” to call this a collective awareness. If it is collective, it is not a stretch to call it an attribute of the species rather than private. And if that’s permissible, anyone should be able to say:

“I am aware of All.”

And this is just one way of saying, “I am a part of All.”

From here, it can really get strange and the rest is not universally agreed upon.

As within, where The I observes, so without.

I have an inside and an outside. All of that which I consider inward is what I would refer to as my body. There is a heart I’ve never seen and it beats in spite of me. I’ve never given directions to a single blood cell. I’ve never grown a single hair with what I know about hair, but I still call this body mine. And in the same way, I have an outside. There are stars I’ve never seen and the sun shines in spite of me and I have never given directions to any river. I’ve never grown a single blade of grass with what I know about grass, but I still call this environment mine.

The only hiccup is the two levels of self. There is a small self, using a material brain to develop thoughts on behalf of a local story, and a Higher Self, using the entire universe to develop a far greater story, which includes the story of the smaller self.

What has occurred to myself, and a host of other thinkers, is that I cannot die. The greater part of me is already outside of my local, smaller self. If the scale of myself could be compared to The Observer, even my brain could acknowledge that my outside is infinite and my inside is temporal. When the death of a local story occurs, only one page turns. No one dies. Death is an illusion; just like time.

We suppose our ancestors are presently dead. But if we look up at a star tonight, we are likely seeing the star at a time before our ancestors were even born. Therefore, to the edge of the universe, the beginning of the universe is now. To All, I Am.

This does not mean I could not have the experience of stubbing a toe; it just means that an experience like that is not the end of the world. There is, in fact, no end.

Now, to make this personal, I am a man, typing a few words here. Some of them will be misunderstood, or perhaps, none of them will ever be read by any other. So here is the problem: If death is an illusion, then where am I while you read this? The answer is the question. I am reading this.

Of course it would be reasonable for you to say, “Hogwash. I am here and it is many years later and the writer is dead and gone.”

But I am not trying to get you to identify with myself. There is always, only one I and I have an inside and an outside. Right now, in this very moment, I am reading these words. Once, long ago, I wrote them and now I am reading them.

Were we the same expression? Not at all. All is what makes up my outside; and what makes up my inside is a body with a brain. From my body’s point of view, you are you, but from the outside, it is I. The empirical evidence surrounds you. Look around and then try to remove yourself from your environment. You cannot do so because that is who You Are. The only thing that happened, some time ago, is that I merged with that same environment; your outside. When you arose in that same environment, it became your outside. It is still the same I. The Higher Self is a wave. You are a spark from that field.

When you die, you too merge with that field again. I AM.

 

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